Oh baby you got me in the shape I’m in!

My best friend, after years of heart-breaking, life changing disappointments finally had a precious baby girl! Like everyone near and dear to her, I was absolutely thrilled.

After the little Angel came home, it took her 3 months to be peeled away(kicking and screaming) from her Angel just have an afternoon to herself. She could only do so if someone she really trusted could look after the Angel...MOI...Babysitter Extraordinaire!

So, I’m smart enough to know that every Mom raises their little ones differently and it’s important that you do not interfere too much or suggest too much, after all, First- Time- Moms are miraculously the ‘All knowing Oracles of Motherhood’!

And so my friend gave me in detail what to do when, when to change the nappy, how to change, how to make the bottle, gave me 10 emergency numbers...just in case. After a gruelling 45 min orientation, I managed to shoo her off for her afternoon of fun.

Now, I’ve been doing the babysitting thing since I was 13 and I would like to think that, like the First-time mom’s, that I too am an ‘All knowing Oracle babysitter’...surprise surprise...

This little Angel had colic and therefore needed a special feeding bottle. I warm up the bottle as instructed by Mom and get the Angel ready for her feed. Oh the shock and horror when I go to the kitchen to retrieve the bottle and the milk has spilled all over into the warming jug- the bottle, so I think, is cracked!

Panic stricken, because there was no other bottle or breast milk, I was forced to call Mom, and oh you can just imagine what she was thinking...Off Mom goes to the nearest shop t purchase a new bottle and returns completely flustered and annoyed, rightfully so.

It turns out, the bottle wasn’t cracked, the water to warm it was too hot, and therefore the contents had spilled out! We had a good chuckle and Mom left again, now with back-up.

And as I sat with the Angel for the afternoon, new bottle and my reputation still intact (so I hoped!), I could not help but wonder, why we think we have to know it all J

Lady D
x

Helloooo there!

So I have been missing in action and have not written for a while...a have a gazillion excuses, all of which I’m sure you are not interested in, point is I’m back and have lots to share with you!

But before I delve into my past months of tales, trials and tribulations...I just wanted to say that this blog is about me chatting to you, sharing useful and useless information about my life and life in general. The intention is not to be humorous (for me that’s the bonus) but rather to let you know, that whatever you go through, you are not alone.

I welcome your thoughts, ideas and comments.

Lady D
x

Off the calendar with Good Vibrations!

Recently I celebrated my 'Off the calendar' birthday!
I guess time really does fly when you're having fun! And oh what fun I had.
I love birthdays and always make a point of celebrating them,why...because it's an extra special day,it's all about YOU and now and again it awesome to be reminded that through all the craziness in your life,you are loved!
Now my friends and family go into hysterics trying to find the perfect gift for me...as if getting George Clooney to pop out a cake is difficult...
So I give them a wish list,a more realistic one that is,which calms their fears of me having a horrific look on my face as I open their gifts.
And every now and then,I get wonderful surprises in my birthday stocking,which I love or forgot I had mentioned it to them or something so thoughtful,it touches me sweetly.
But somehow this year,I got a gift that I was totally unprepared for...a bright yellow Vibrator! Naughty naughty!
The vibrator,now called Richard,was not the surprise,but rather the way my friend knew him(Richard) intimately,how she knew what turned him on,the fact I could take him in the shower and bath etc etc.
And therefore the question was raised,how many other young single women resort to Richard and his friends because the real men,with two legs and arms that we seek turn out to be four-legged animals we prefer to have on a leash?

A few days passed and it was time to introduce Richard to my friends. Well,at the first the utter shock and horror on their faces that I had moved on so quickly was priceless! And when I took Richard out my bag,they were on the floor laughing. Richard must have been happy,because the rest of the afternoon he spent being touched,sniffed, turned on...and off by my girlfriends.
'so ladies,what do you think',I nervously ask them.
'Um,he's ok,but is he ill? He looks like he has jaundice!!' I was in stitches! My poor Dick.

Well,as I blow out my 32 candles,my wish is for Richard,get well soon my darling and may you grow some arms and legs :-)

Lady D
X

I am heavy, but Im your Sister!

And just like that, in a twinkling of an eye, I have managed to find myself a whopping 16kgs heavier...yes, its true!

So, after losing the negotiation with my ‘fat jeans’ to please please please zip up, I waddled to the gym to sign up.

Now, Lady D does everything in style, including the gym she decided to go to! The exclusive Virgin Active Classic...the one Sir Richard Branson designed with Moi in mind!

A few years ago while in New York, I attended a gym at my friends place of work where you got free towels, gym kits, shampoo etc etc and I thought WOW, this would never work in SA, everything would be stolen in a minute! Never mind it took us a few years, but we have it, infact we have 2 in our country!

From the undercover parking, the free towel, the limitless number of equipment (which you do not have to wait in a line for) to the calming Zen Yoga rooms, the relaxation areas, hairdryers, GHD flat irons, all of this, at a price, its worth it! I realised Im not paying for a gym contract, its a lifestyle, and that is what has made Sir Dick so successful...he sells lifestyles, not products.

So, how is it going so far Lady D...well, Ive been 4 times, 2 in each city and love it...except for my Pilates classes...I mean in a class, 90 percent are over 50 males...what’s up with that???!! Oh well, I guess I cant have it all hey J

Lady D

x

Keep it Tidy

One tequila,two tequila,three tequila....FlOOR...
This mantra is all ok when you're partying with friends,but with your work colleagues....mmmm...with your bosses.....nooooo.....
Why? Because you will regret it. It's all good dancing on the bar top and finally putting those 'Pole dancing lessons to work,but then in the morning,when you are back in the boardroom or asking for a raise,do you think your boss really takes you seriously?
Truth is,you are not just the professional at work,we know that,but we really don't need to endure your horribly drunk bad ass karaoke singing bar jumping behavior at every company outing. Do you really want to be known as the 'Entertainment'....and I won't delve into all the negative connotations that go with that label!

I love to party,champagne and all the frills,and it's fabulous!
Just,please,keep it tidy :-)

The 11th Commandment

’Cheat, but don’t get caught!’, also known as the 11^th commandment got me into somewhat of a moral quandary this week.

So, I do cheat...on my hairdresser...why, because she isn’t always around when I desperately need her, and desperate circumstances call for desperate measures.

But to put things into perspective for you, my 2 hairdressers are fully aware of my relationship with each other as they are both mature and understand that I have needs and accept that they are both not capable of satisfying my needs at my every whim.

My hair has its own personality, infact it has a few, and so often I find that it needs to be soothed and  mollycoddled, sometimes  all day every day, what can I say, thanks to all my multicultural ancestors... it was just designed that way!

I returned from some travel and was confronted by a very moody head of hair in the morning. So, I call up my HD, and to my horror, she was ‘day off’. Completely in a fix, I dial up my stand-in, who also was day-off..., a conspiracy!

And then I do the unthinkable, I make a booking with someone else; remember that whole desperate thing...

I arrive at the scene of the crime, quickly whisked off to the wash basin where I’m greeted by a strange woman with a strange accent. I do not know about you, but I see having my hair done or spa treatment as my down time, so DONT TALK TO ME please...unless, I talk to you...I’m sorry, I just find that making mindless drivel chit-chat sooo exhausting...

I keep playing this scene over and over in my mind: I’m laying back, head in the wash basin, strange woman with strange accent chattering away, violently scrubbing my head when, Whoosh, Splash, Gasp...she washes my meticulous (years of training to apply loads of make to give me the ‘natural’ look) make-up off my face!! Was this my punishment? Was this my karma?

After been curtly apologised to, I’m then take to the Torture Chair, where my hair was burnt, scalp scolded by someone who could not have been bothered with my hair’s sensitive soul. And then the cherry on top of this disastrous cake-my bill was almost double to what I normally pay!

This was a moment I would never forget-throbbing head, dishevelled hair (think that was look that stylist was going for), mascara running down my face- I made a vow, I would never, never cheat on my hairstylist(s) EVER.

Now while I did not technically break the 11^th Commandment i.e. I did not get caught by my 2 HairStylists, I do feel that I got ‘caught’ by getting ripped off and having a horrible morning!

Here’s to our HairStylists, may we live happily good hair-days  ever after!

Lady D

X

Hello World!

I’ve been recently placed in a somewhat precarious situation-my Royal Behind been tossed to the curb by my once awesome husband, I kissed him and he turned into a frog...

So, where does this leave Lady D in this wild wild jungle...I’ll tell you where, back to the Start, and I’ll have you know I did not collect my R200, or a penny for that matter...but alas, I will survive!

And here I find myself homeless, trawling Property websites in desperate search of a new abode. And like most women, my eyes fall on everything expensive and out of budget. And then the fantasising begins, imagining myself in a luxury apartment, something in the Upper East Manhattan, interior designed by the Great Ralph Lauren. I don’t know whether it’s my unequivocal love of New York, but I’m loving all things which have the slightest hint of the Big Apple.

In an effort to keep me temporarily from reality I started looking at interior design blogs (and then all sorts of blogs), and oh my, the treasures I found! All my favourite things at the click of my diamante mouse!

So, I thought how great, reading these blogs have been so inspirational and entertaining, I’ll start my own because I have loads to share...(and shed) J!

Now, this is not quite the load shedding we South Africans were forced to become accustomed to...Thank you Eskom. What I am is a sister, friend, boss, but above all a woman... right down to the 7th level of my soul! I want to share with you my triumphs, my fashion faux pas and show you that if you are a Pear (like me) or an Apple or Banana (wish the skinny cows would slip...ok ok just kidding), you can work it! So many funny, strange, traumatic things happen to us all everyday and often we wonder if we are all alone in this world...I’m here to tell you that you are not!

Stay tuned, I look forward sharing with you!

p.s. Blessed are the cracked...for they let the light in!

Lady D x